The five love languages describe five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
Knowing your partner's love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated. Author and Pastor Gary Chapman describe how to use these love languages to show your partner you care for them in a way that speaks to their heart.
The Five Love Languages
Chapman's book "The 5 Love Languages" was first published in 1992. Before writing the book, Chapman began to notice patterns in couples he was counseling. He realized that the couples were misunderstanding each other's needs.
That led him to come up with five love languages, or ways that people in relationships express love. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
Words of Affirmation
"Words of affirmation" is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone's primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement, uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person's day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.
Quality Time
Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the computer, making eye contact, and actively listening.
People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity.
Physical Touch
A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels love through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example.
This person's idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partner physically.
Acts of Service
Acts of service are nice things you do for your partner that makes them feel loved and appreciated, such as:
- Helping with the dishes
- Running errands
- Vacuuming
- Putting gas in the car
If your partner's main love language is acts of service, they'll notice and appreciate little things you do for them. They tend to perform acts of service and kindness for others, too.
Receiving Gifts
For someone who uses and responds to this love language, gift-giving indicates love and affection. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.
People who enjoy receiving gifts as part of their primary love language do not necessarily expect large or expensive presents; it's more the effort and thoughtfulness behind the gift that count.
When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.
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